Friday, August 28, 2009

Radiation Rhema

The good news now that my energy is back...is that my energy is back. The bad news? My energy is back, and I have eight months of pent up ideas and creativity that's been back burnered all through surgery and chemo, and now I feel like going 100 miles an hour to get back into the creative side of my life.

Two projects that I want to tell you about:

  1. Faith Walkers: a new website I developed with six other wonderful women -- five who have been walking the cancer journey recently and one who loves us all and wants to support us by walking in the Denver Breast Cancer 3-Day (60 Mile) Walk this weekend. Jana's idea was to wear a t-shirt that says "Faith Walkers" on the front and "Ask me about Carolyne...Sarah....Lynda...Vivian...Charlene" on the back. Then she's handing out business sized cards with words of encouragement and our photos and the Faith Walkers website address (http://www.faithwalkers2.com/). On the website we share more of our stories about our healing journeys. It's still a work in progress but well worth the time to read these gals' stories -- amazing! Mine isn't fully finished but I'll keep plugging away at it now that the main site is finished. This was my first full website to build and launch and learned a lot in the process. If you'd like to support me vicariously, please donate to Jana's walk fund raising; she had to raise $2,300 to walk and at the last minute a business that was going to sponsor that entirely backed out, leaving her with the entire amount to raise by the end of September.

  2. Radiation Rhema: my first book project other than a few dabbles since December. I am asking God for daily words (scriptures), personal to me from Him (that's what rhema means) for each day I'm having radiation treatment. I'm trying to memorize each one (there will be 30 all together) and recite them throughout the day. Originally I'd thought I'd have all this time during my radiation treatments to memorize and recite...but now that I've had 7 treatments, each one lasting less than 2 minutes...I see that's not going to happen. The book already has 17 days of verses, each with a photo from this summer -- and as always, God orchestrates the perfect photo illustration for each verse. It's so energizing for me to be working on this and I can't wait for it to be ready to publish and share with you and with others going through cancer treatment.

Radiation is going fine so far. The whole process is so different than chemo. It takes more time to put make up on and drive to my appointment than the actual appointment takes (3 minutes to take my put on a hospital gown, 3 minutes to get my tattoos aligned to laser guides, 2 minutes of radiation zapping and 3 minutes to get dressed again). It's all very private too compared with chemo where I was in a room with ten or twelve others going through hours of treatment. With radiation, it's just me and a few nice nurses and just like an x-ray, they leave the room when I'm being zapped.

I haven't felt tired or had skin "sun" burns yet but sounds like that may kick in after 2 or 3 weeks of treatment (I have treatments every weekday at 12:45, for 30 treatments all together...done around the first of October).

My feet are still pretty numb, not any better or worse. I has an EMG test today by Dennis' (no my) neurologist and it showed I do have sensory neuropathy (which was obvious), but not motor neuropathy. That's good because it should get better as the effects of chemo fade (chemo has killed off the blood vessels that feed the nerves and as they rejuvenate, my nerves will too).

My hair is growing fast. In just three weeks it's more than a quarter inch long. Very soft. Seems to be darker but with more gray. At first I was sad to see my totally bald and tanned head go away, but it's interesting to see what's coming. My eyelashes never fell out during chemo, even grew longer which was weird...but started falling out along with my eyebrows when my hair started coming back. I was bummed because it definitely gave me more of a sick/chemo look. But then I realized that new eyelashes and brows were starting to grow back in. There's a verse about a time for every season.

School started two weeks ago, with a nice visit from Mom and Dean. Hannah and Hugh (and their parents) are back in the school routine, though I really miss my summer leisurely mornings on the deck.














I still get to enjoy my fun lunches with my B&B Club (Boobs and Books) girl friends. Here are some shots from Monday.













Radiation Rhema Verses 1 & 2:

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all.

The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything, by prayer and petition,

with thanksgiving,

present your requests to God.

And the peace of God,

which transcends all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:4-7

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tatoos and Scars

No offense to those of you with cool tattoos, but personally, I've just never wanted one, even with my new Biker Babe scarf look. Didn't really want any more scars either.

But now I have both -- four new scars and four new tattoos. No photo sharing, just suffice it to say that my breast, chest and armpit have about 7 inches of scars from the lumpectomy done in January, the "re-do" done in February and the port implantation done in March...and now four freckle-sized black tattoo dots -- two on my cleavage and one on both sides of my rib cage. It took about two minutes to tattoo me but it hurt enough that I recommitted myself to a tattoo-free lifestyle.

The tattoos will be used to align the radiation machine so that it zaps exactly where it's supposed to and not where it's not. I'll start radiation after school starts -- Monday through Friday for six weeks, but only 15 minutes each time. The primary side effects I should expect are sunburned skin all over my breast, tenderness and tiredness (though my friends who've been through chemo and radiation tell me the fatigue from radiation is nothing compared with chemo...hope that's true for me).

Here are my scars and tattoos, all covered up, hidden from the world. Even my swim suit covers them, except the one under my arm pit.

Hidden or not, my scarves, bald head and thin eye brows signal to others that underneath these clothes are scars that tell a story. Women often ask me if I'm going through chemo and share a story about their victory over cancer or compliment me on how radiant I look. It's always an opportunity for me to share something encouraging about my journey and to acknowledge that Jesus is the reason I'm glowing and healthy and joyful.

As Stacy shared in Intercessory Prayer last week, it was Jesus' scars that God used to reach Thomas and others after his resurrection. It was his excruciating pain and suffering that bought our salvation, our rebirth.

We all have scars -- physical, emotional, relational. In spite of the pain that came with them, God uses them...if we allow Him to. My hope is that my scars will cause you to seek Him for yourself. And with God's grace, your scars will also become testimonies of healing and strength and peace.

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve,
was not with the disciples when Jesus came.
So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!"

But he said to them,
"Unless I see the nail marks in his hands
and put my finger where the nails were,
and put my hand into his side,
I will not believe it."

A week later his disciples were in the house again,
and Thomas was with them.
Though the doors were locked,
Jesus came and stood among them and said,
"Peace be with you!"

Then he said to Thomas,
"Put your finger here; see my hands.
Reach out your hand and put it into my side.
Stop doubting and believe."

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and my God!"

Then Jesus told him,
"Because you have seen me, you have believed;
blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
Jesus did many other miraculous signs in the presence of his disciples,
which are not recorded in this book.
But these are written that you may believe
that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God,
and that by believing you may have life in his name.

John 20:24-31