Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Rare Please, With a Bag of Blood on the Side

I am one of the rare people who likes their steaks and burgers rare. Really rare. If you instantly started thinking, "so that's why she got cancer!", then you must be one of those people who prefers their meat what I would call "dry and tasteless" and you would call "perfectly delicious and not in danger of walking away." At our house we say, "that's why they make chocolate and vanilla ice cream."

Last Tuesday night I had a blood transfusion to turbo boost my anemic red blood count. During the six hours in the hospital transfusion room, I was offered the chance to order anything I wanted from the extensive hospital dining list. I chose Chicken Marsala (wine and mushroom sauce), mashed potatoes, green beans, lemon chiffon on a nut crust (the best part of the meal) and milk.













What I didn't choose was to eat my meal while plugged into the transfusion machine, with the blood bag drip, drip, dripping into me -- all within a foot of me and in clear sight.
When it was time to begin the second bag of blood, the picnic cooler holding it sat on the same tray where I was eating. It looks like the same kind of picnic six pack cooler you'd buy at Target but held the blood bag (and no harvested heart or liver for a transplant). Before they loaded up the bag on the transfusion tree, the bag of blood just sat there on my table, 9-inches away from my food. Even for me, that's more blood than I like to look at while I'm eating.
By the way, I my blood type is O Negative (unlike my sister, Lizann, who is proud of her A Plus grade). Someone told me they have JC Positive blood (Jesus Christ Positive), which sounds good to me. I am grateful to have the Holy Spirit living in me and know that He truly does cover every cell in my body with healing, love and life.

Jesus said to them,
"I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood,
you have no life in you.
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life,
and I will raise him up at the last day.
For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him.
Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father,
so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.
This is the bread that came down from heaven.
Your forefathers ate manna and died,
but he who feeds on this bread will live forever."
He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.
On hearing it, many of his disciples said,
"This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?"

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this,
Jesus said to them, Does this offend you?
What if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before!
The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing.
The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they are life.
Yet there are some of you who do not believe."
For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him.
He went on to say, "This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him."
John 6:53-65

Monday, May 25, 2009

No More Bad Hair Days

"Mom, you really do need to shave your head. It just looks creepy."

It's been more than a month since most of my hair fell out and the remnants remaining have not only refused to fall out on their own, but have kept growing. So I needed a haircut and a miraculous styling job, or it was finally time to get the clippers out.

I've been cutting Dennis' hair for quite awhile and today, he got his turn to cut mine. Ann Foorman, our covemate, friend and professional photographer (www.depthoffieldarts.lifepics.com) came over to record the event with my camera.

A picture's worth at least 500 words, so I'll save mine:





























My lover said to me, “Rise up, my darling!
Come away with me, my fair one!
Look, the winter is past,
and the rains are over and gone.
The flowers are springing up,
the season of singing birds has come,
and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.
The fig trees are forming young fruit,
and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.

Rise up, my darling!
Come away with me, my fair one!”

Song of Songs 2:10-13

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Tender Mercies

I went to church last night with chemo mouth sores that made it hurt to eat, cough or even talk. I asked God for healing and several different groups of people prayed with me/for me...and I left the awesome 3-hour service with almost no pain and am totally pain free today! Thank you, Jesus!!!

I have felt so covered in prayer throughout this journey, seeing daily the peace and clarity that comes with that…but it’s really cool to see (and literally feel) a specific answer to prayer so miraculously answered.

I thought about taking a picture of my mouth yesterday afternoon...didn't...but would love to be able to show you the sores are gone. Maybe that's my tender mercy to you...no pictures.

I will sing of the tender mercies of the Lord forever!
Young and old will hear of your faithfulness.
Psalm 89:1

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Chillin' -- Sister's orders

My sister, Lizann, who I talked to last night while I was getting the blood transfusion and eating dinner (the subject of another post coming soon), sent me an e-mail this morning:

Hi Carolyne -

I want to hear today that you're just chillin'. Watch Oprah, Martha Stewart. Do your nails. Read People Magazine. I'm sending you some of my lazy genes that I seem to be the only one in the family to inherit. Which side do you suppose??

Love, Lizann

Of course the answer to her lazy genes question (of which I have detected none in her), but if there are any they were passed down as a very recessive gene from some very distant slacker American pioneer relative. Because for sure it was not from either of our dynamo parents.

So in the spirit of following Lizann's orders and chillin' (or good HP leverage and move on training), I'm posting may quick e-mail back to Lizann, to show you all that I am, more or less, chllin' (though the temperature is rising as the afternoon comes on the laptop on my lap on the lounge chair is adding another 10 degrees):

Does sleeping until 10, lazy read through the paper, 2 games of Chuzzle Deluxe, Mandarin Orange Sherbet with OJ shake on the deck, out of my fuzzy pj’s into my Mother’s Day summer pj’s, lounge chair and laptop on the deck sound like chillin? Oh yah!

Of course I have the energy of a snail and my mouth feels like it has 20 canker sores under my tongue and my stomach muscles hurt every time I cough…but hey, could be worse. I went through the food for chemo cookbook looking for smoothy and other smooth recipes. Some sounded really good, until I looked at the cooking instructions. Not today, though I am going to ask the friend who’s making dinner for us tomorrow to make rice pudding (sounded so good but you have to stir constantly while the rice cooks, yah right).

I do have to rouse myself in 30 minutes to go to the doctor. Maybe I should go without makeup and wear my chemo cap so I look really pathetic…more sympathy? Or more pokes?

I probably will pass on Hannah’s last soccer game tonight at 6:30…or maybe I’ll flag down the guy on the golf cart for a ride out to the field.

Hey maybe this will be a copy/paste for my blog…though I am already thinking about a “I like my steaks rare” theme for the photos of me and my dinner au blood bag last night.

Enough brilliance. Chillin!


And since I'm "leveraging" today, here's the note taped to the inside of my bedroom door, greeting when I woke up at 10:

Good Morning Mommy,

Hugh and I went to school, we'll pray for you there. I love you SO So much. Lots of hugs, Lots of kisses.

God bless your day,

Hannah

No scripture with the word "chill" or "chillen" so sharing this one with the word "rest" in it:

And God will provide rest for you who are being persecuted
and also for us when the Lord Jesus appears from heaven.
He will come with his mighty angels...
2 Thessalonians 1:7

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Uncommon Treatment for the Common Cold

I'm writing this from the oncology transfusion center at the hospital, getting my first blood transfusion. This will be a short post as the Benedryl they gave me to counteract something about the transfusion, makes me sleepy.

I'm here because my red cells were way down yesterday when I went for my normal 1-week-after-chemo blood test. Red cells transport oxygen to the body and are important for energy and healthy functioning of the body. The blood I'm getting was processed to make it high in red cells. It definately looks like blood -- dark red and opaque. Thank you to whoever donated it.

Last week (a chemo week) was typical -- very tired the days after but feeling much better by the weekend. This time though I started to feel a chest cold coming on and by Monday morning my stomach muscles were sore from coughing. My white counts, as usual, were also down, but this time at their lowest so far -- 300, and my blood pressure was also low. So instead of just getting a blood draw, they kept me at the chemo center for a couple hours of hydration (2 liters of saline delivered through my port)...and the scheduling of this blood transfuion...and orders to take extra precausions against infection.

This meant that I didn't get to go to hear fellow Rez member, Dana Dunlap speak at the monthly ladies brunch about her journey with breast cancer. I was really bummed because I was going to get to hear her powerful story, and hang out with my breast cancer buddies, Sarah and Lynda. Fortunatley before all this came down yesterday, I had lunch with them, our every other week B & B session (boobs and books). As always we laughed and laughed as we reviewed the ground we passed during the two weeks since our last lunch. What a gift to have these two new friends in my life!

Also blessed to have Dennis and Hannah and Hugh in my life. They are now doing the Tuesday after school schedule themselves -- 4:00 orthodonist appointment, 4:45 soccer practice, 5:30 guitar lesson, 6:30 soccer practice over...then home. I should be done around 8:30 tonight so will see here when they come to get me. In the meantime, I will post this and lay back to sleep and rest.
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Martha Stewart to the Rescue

My sister, Lizann, flew out from NYC to help us all get through my 3rd chemo round. She arrived on Thursday, April 30, expecting to bask in the Colorado sunshine, drink smoothies and hop from football practice to soccer practice.

Instead, we mostly had to bundle up with every Soccer Mom blanket and coat as we shivered through drizzly games -- one in Fort Collins on Saturday and another in Colorado Springs on Sunday.

In between games, Lizann transformed herself into my personal Martha Stewart, tackling three key uncluttering projects:

  1. 1. Bathroom transformation: discarding 47 pounds of half used lotions, cosmetics and various other treasures that had accumulated in the bathroom cabinets, drawers and every other possible storage surface. Thanks to her totally unattached, ruthless (some might say cruel) attitude about purging all but the most valuable items from our bathroom, we now have a bathroom that could be featured on one of those home makeover shows.
  2. Magazine destacking: stacks and stacks of magazines sorted, tossed, recycled and removed forever...to make room for the dozen new ones that knock at our door each week.
  3. Winter/summer clothes and shoes closet rotation: always a task but easier with Lizann's NYC apartment "it's got to be incredibly special to store" perspective.

All this was actually fun, though my 25% energy level the week after chemo made it pretty tiring -- but energizing too to have these projects out of the way. Perfect prep for the summer ahead.